7 weeks down...5 to go...

30 days from today to be exact. Nothin like a little pressure to up the ante!  or more precise would be, nothing like some added pressure to increase the adrenaline! I am using "pressure" as a synonym for "fear". Because pressure, especially self induced pressure is based on an internal fear.   We have 3 typical reactions to (fear), FIGHT, FLIGHT or FREEZE.  I have never been one to freeze, rarely am I one to flee and almost always am I a fighter.   I think that's probably why the pressure of deadlines work for me. As I have aged I don't so much depend on the sense of urgency to motor me through the task that's causing me the anxiety in the first place.  And I now enjoy the calmness of being prepared ahead of time. I think that's all part of learning discipline.  Or perhaps maturity? Or maybe discipline=mature?  At any rate, the scale has tipped and the pressure is on! I am now closer to the 12th week, (starting line) and further away from week 1 (beginning point). Today I don't feel ready, nor do I feel I will be ready 30 days from now.  It will be interesting to see what will develop over the next 30 days.  I  have all my children home from school, and  we will be moving next week, therefore we are spending time packing (or we will soon start anyway!)  I will be using these logistics as positive distractions from the angst of fearing my failure at leading my kids in the Carmel Valley 5k.

Now sets in the rationalization. I will complete the 5k. I was aiming to lead my kids, that is have them follow me, rather then them out run me!  (though they always seem to 'outrun' me so I don't know why I even think this is a possibility?!). And its no big deal.  The ultimate goal of mine was to complete the 5k RUN, not run/walk but run. So if that's accomplished than its an overall success.  The beauty in such a goal is that there really is no loss, or ultimate failure. All the efforts toward completing such an accomplishment stand on their own and only improve my life overall. The 'habits' I have been working to condition myself into are all positive and will continue even after the 5k, or I should say "this 5k". So, overall this is a no-fail plan! We in the recovery world think "rationalization" is a bad thing, when in actuality if the rationalization takes place of internal self destruction -its a good thing!  (when rationalizing takes place of denial then its not a good thing!)

This week has been ---I don't even know---it has just been!  I added a new tool in my toolkit which is a Fitbit. A Fitbit is a tracking band that can track your activity, such as steps walked, distance gone, calories in/out as well as tracking your sleep history.  I was anxiously looking forward to learning my sleep patterns. Unfortunately the first 2 nights it didn't track my sleep:(  Last night it did, except it has the wrong start time for sleep (I think it must have tapped into sleep mode while I was making dinner), none-the-less, the results however accurate they may be, were shocking! It said I experienced "3 hours and 34 mins of sleep".  I went to bed around 1230 woke around 7:00 with a 54% sleep efficient rate!---I will try it again tonight to see what may be revealed. I was going to return the Fitbit when the sleep wasn't being tracked   Also, yesterday it logged -0- minutes in the "very active minutes" category, which was disappointing since we went for a family run and I ran!  I ran while pushing an additional 140 pounds around the track! One of the things about the Fitbit that I found most attractive was the instant gratification one can enjoy when they check their stats! -- unfortunately, the Fitbit doesn't sync with MY droid device, however Fitbit syncs with sparkpeople which is great!  We will do a family run again today, minus me pushing 140 pounds and I hope to see the activity correctly recorded in the Fitbit (previously it recorded 'very active' minutes and all I did was muscle through Toys R Us and Costco! Not even breaking a sweat!)

My rationalization is based on true data.  Last night the kids and I enjoyed our first Annual Christmas Run! It was a run till you drop event.  I thought I would last longer than I did!  Jake took the title!  Karma wasn't participating in it, mainly because shes a cheat (cutting through the field etc) but also because I think she could run circles around both her brother and I!   We had a great time walking, running and laughing!  Its a no-fail plan with a WIN-WIN-WIN outcome!!

 Noble Family 1st Annual Christmas Run  12/25/13

6 weeks down...6 to go

NO LIMITS, or KNOW LIMITS. 6 weeks have now passed since I began this 12 week "training" and 6 weeks are left before its time to test said training! --- In anticipating my weekly self accountability report (this blog) I was planning to write something about excuses.  When complications arise we can choose to create an excuse and abandon our efforts or we can choose to employ creative thinking and forge ahead.  We can blame someone, or something or we can adapt to the unexpected circumstances.

 In reviewing these past weekly reports I detected a theme.  Its about time, (pun intended), there is a theme of time and making good use of it. From what we choose to do, who we choose to do it with, what we choose to eat and how we choose to do it.
 I don't  have to admit to having excuses, because I have 4 children. I don't run strictly on my time, I function on kid time. When the demands of my children's schedule presented me with a very clear obstacle in maintaining consistent training I used alternative methods to get the physical exercise in (creative thinking). When the unexpected emotional process and poor planning arose with the holiday visit from my oldest daughter I practiced acceptance and made a well thought out adjustment.-- Rather than being inconsistent with the Couch-to-5k program I choose a flex week which allowed me free run time and enabled me to be true to myself as well as being honest with the program log.

 This past week so much has happened, from the kids having a weekend visit with their dad, to Christmas performances, to basketball practices, to having a sick kid, to having a broke down car and a broken phone.  --  out of all these fine opportunities for me to create an excuse to avoid my training (self care) the thought to do so never crossed my mind.  ----Until I realized on Saturday my crashed phone meant the loss of my Couch-to5k app. MAJOR DISAPPOINTMENT!! out of all the loss and turmoil I experienced this past week losing that app was the hardest hit I took!  I took a deep breath, imagined my run log that I was so proudly watching as the accomplishments grew--realizing I will never see them again-- and then I laughed! "well I guess I'm done then! no more training."  As I said those words out loud I felt my body shake at its core! It was crying, "No.NO. Please NO." and I looked into the mirror and I said to myself there's no way that will stop me!  Then I began thinking of ways to adapt to this huge external loss.  I can have a free run week, (until my replacement phone comes), and then I just start it again making some modifications to catch me back up to speed. I was so excited when my phone arrived to find the app transfer over--but there was no data, just the app. Better then nothing, saved me $1.99 anyway. Today I forgot my ear buds and again, an instant excuse to not go to the gym or utilize the app--but I dealt with it. I had a great training time this morning resuming week 4 of the program, and while I tend to be a "no limits" and a "no pain no gain" type of person, I realize I have limits! -- I can handle the rapid heartbeat during the transitions of alternate jog/walk modes, I can handle the burning or otherwise throbbing in my calves, I can handle my shirt rising above my pants, or straps falling down my shoulders and I can especially handle the tear drops of sweat all over my entire body--but what I cant handle--- is having to go pee and jogging at the same time! I do have my limits and I now Know my limit! despite believing in NO LIMITS! ---

1/2 way through this 12 weeks of my life--I proudly admit I am loving it!! Today while walking almost 2 miles (to get former broke down car), Karma was razoring ahead and I was mildly speed walking (in boots). The thought crossed my mind- I could probably jog this! The more I thought about it, though not at all dressed to jog I really believed  I  could have jogged it, and probably the entire way!  That feeling--of believing in myself -- confirmed for me that I am right on track! :)

!

5 weeks down...7 to go....

It takes 3 weeks to form a habit.-- Have you heard that? It's not true.  Anyone can do anything for 21 days right? If its true- then why don't we all have only great habits! Jason Selk has written a great piece on 'Habit Formation: The 21-Day Myth'.  In this piece found on www.forbes.com he shares HIS model of  "what habit formation really looks like" .  According to his model there is 3 phases of habit formation:

1. THE HONEYMOON
2. THE FIGHT THRU
3. SECOND NATURE.

 I find this model to be most accurate, certainly far more credible than the thought thinking theory of  'a habit is formed in 21 days!' ---  

With just over a month completed and entering week 4 of the Couch-to-5k program. I can without a doubt say the honeymoon is over!!  I have entered the 'fight thru' stage, my thoughts and feelings about this 12 week plan of mine have changed. My goal remains and my motivation is the same but the internal process has shifted.  I feel at times anxiety, ugh gosh how I hate that feeling!  Anxious that I won't make my goal! Anxious that I'm running out of time. A little anger too. What was I thinking? Why do this?  Damn me anyway.  I'm not ready!

 --- the couch to 5k app is a great program but maybe not if you are a Clydesdale  runner like me! (I recently learned this term from one of my running mentors via her blog 'runningcurves' .)

 I get to run half a 5k this week? OHMY@$%(AR!?X#%   That sounds intimidating :(  Why do so many things sound like a good idea at the time? To help me through this fight thru I remind myself of the goal, the Carmel Valley 5k.  I also provide myself with some comfort in that I will be running this with my young children.  They tell me they can run all the way through- I don't think they can. So I definitely have my 'out' should I need to stop, because they stop.  Of course I hope that's not the case.  But  seriously if my kids can't keep up (which is what I'm banking on) can I really leave them behind?). Is having an "out" a self defeating plan? Or simply a way to alleviate some anxiety? It's probably both. Anxiety is powerful but I'm pretty sure self sabotage is even more powerful. 

I have 5 more weeks to go in the training app, and 7 more until its live 5k time.  I am not quite half way through and the self sabotaging thoughts have begun to form. Fortunately I have such pride blended in with a pinch of arrogance that the fight thru phase is a friendly competition that my narcissistic tendencies will eat up!

And to aid me into the SECOND NATURE PHASE upon the success of my GOAL prompting this lifestyle habitual change,  I have a bigger picture in view-- The  Scottsdale GIANT RACE, March 8, 2014. 

http://www.scottsdalegiantrace.com/  LETS GO GIANTS!!! 

http://www.forbes.com/sites/jasonselk/2013/04/15/habit-formation-the-21-day-myth/

www.runningcurves.wordpress.com

4 weeks down...8 to go....

 I am flexing my second week. I am enjoying the freedom of running on my own will-both literally and figuratively! However YOU really tend to get in my way! I think up a plan then you come along and change it convincing me there is something better!  There is a familiar saying among the recovery world "you have to get out of your own way". I think genuinely we do have the best plan for us, but somehow we get distracted. We distract ourselves or we allow others to distract us!

This has been a weird week. An emotional one for me that I didn't quite anticipate. I was able to digest Thanksgiving day fairly well, my spirits were running high.  It was wonderful to have all my children together. There were some less then wonderful moments too, mainly when the plans we had,  had to change due to certain distractions. Its easy to get distracted and lose track of time. Especially when you are dealing with more than one person and have time constraints.  I would have enjoyed spending every available minute with my oldest daughter but that wasn't in the plans.

 We are so often easily influenced by the company we keep. Its good when different personalities form a pair or a partnership-sometimes. Then other times its not so good! Sometimes a partnership can motivate each-other in different ways and together they thrive. Other times if both are lacking then they wont succeed.  And sometimes one may be more industrious than the other and either they tire of the partner who isn't performing and break away, or they resign their own drive and succumb to the low energy of their partner and also quit performing. I have found this to be the case many times. I think its why I prefer working out by myself.  Often you hear "get a buddy" to go to the gym with. I have had a few buddies and a few gym trips with them and it isn't that its necessarily bad, I just prefer to be on my own.  Its my time, I get in my own head, or out of it.  I do not at all enjoy walking along side a friend on the treadmill talking the whole time, nor do I enjoy hearing others do it. Isn't that what a coffee-shop is for?   Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me, because I have never liked working out with a friend, or making the plans to do so.  Often I would be on task and ready to go but my work out partner was running late, or  "not feeling it", etc.  then I would apply some peer pressure (I don't really know why!) and sometimes they would come around! Either way if they were on task and sticking to the plan or not my plan remained the same.  Its hard to find a partner that will bring the best out of you and for whom you will do the same. I know going it single be it at the gym or in my personal life there is definitely fewer distractions.  And less distraction allows me to stick to the plan that works best for me and what I want out of life--less distraction limits the opportunity for "You" to get in my way--and for me to get out of my way!

My kids are huge distractions!  Over this past weekend we took another nice hike on a beach and it truly is an amazingly enjoyable experience. We stopped along the way and we talked, laughed and had fun!  I could almost say it was a great bonding experience, but that's not really the case since this physical family fun we have is not for "bonding" rather its just for being!-- I am fortunate to have children that are full of energy and enjoy doing things rather than sitting in front of a screen of some sort. (they enjoy their screen time as well don't get me wrong!)

 This week I didn't plan on using flex time but I became distracted with work and parenting issues and I let MY time slide to the bottom of the priority list. When there are so many external variables its hard not to be adversely influenced and its easy to lose focus, get off track and abandon plans.  I don't foresee any great distractions in the next 8 weeks (Thanksgiving and my daughters visit were GREAT distractions!). I will maximize the use of my available flex time as best I can and I look forward to being back on MY program.

**and running on the beach is AMAZING!!  I think I should get extra credit for it because its hard! --  Whats even harder is having to leave the beach!  Today she was so beautiful and I left only when I had to pick the kids up!!  They are always getting in my way:)

3 weeks down...9 to go...

The 3rd week has ended, 9 more to go.  This was the hardest week yet. 

It wasn't hard because my motivation or my will power were lacking, it was hard because its thanksgiving break! The desire was there however logistics were against me. I was not able to schedule "me" time since I was (am) stretched 3 separate ways all at once, 24/7.  How could this be avoided? Planning. It’s often always about planning. And I did plan to accept the difficulties I may encounter when all 3 of my young

children are home from school.  Practicing acceptance allows me peace with the situation.  

My time at the gym was greatly reduced.  Fortunately since I anticipated a shortage of (gym) time I was able to compensate adding physical exercise into the routine with my kids. Mainly walking rather than driving, hiking for fun, and playing ball with them. These are ordinary things that we do often I just changed them a little by either walking, or parking far away. The biggest change I’ve made note of this week is simply by my being more present in physical play with my kids. Rather than just going thru the motions I was taking it all in, realizing the honor, the privilege of being physically capable to do the things I enjoy. I have always played with my children and enjoyed outdoor sports, this week I was provided a fresh perspective on the benefits of an athletic body and it afforded me a new appreciation for the body that has held me in for over 40 years, and for the transformation that’s underdevelopment.  

This was also a difficult week to track my food intake even with the Spark People app. There were a couple days where I got so far behind the tracking that I just left it undone.  There is no harm there-my eating has pretty much stabilized so the amounts I am eating are typical of a serving size and the choice of foods that I eat determine how much intake I have. Yesterday I indulged with a double double and I looked forward to and I enjoyed every bit of that 670 calorie item.

 The couch to 5k training program will have you ready to run a 5k in 9 weeks. My goal is the Carmel Valley 5k, which takes place 12 weeks from the date I began.   I admit the reason I decided to set this goal was because I had more than 9 weeks to prepare for it. With prudent planning on my part, it afforded me 3 weeks of ‘free choice’ time. Some might call it time to “cheat”.   But by definition to ‘cheat’ is to make a dishonest or unfair action in order to gain advantage. There is no way to gain advantage if you are dishonest or being unfair to yourself. It's not a cheat, it's a choice.

And I can not wait to taste all the choices of a Thanksgiving Feast!!  Thanks Angela! 

2 weeks down 10 to go....

Time is the one commodity that we all share equal amounts of without knowing when we will run out.

Time is never wasted, it is only spent. Sometimes we spend it wisely, we make great use of our time. Other times we venture off into 'things' that we feel like doing especially when they prevent us from doing the more mundane yet necessary things that we don't want to do or things that take us out of our comfort zone. 

This is now the beginning of week 3. And let me tell you I kind of want to start over!  I feel like I should be further along in my progress than where I am, despite having 10 weeks ahead of me to make it. That's the perfectionist in me. The optimist says, "You are doing great. You can do it. You will be great". The realist in me demands me to take a reality check!--  

Am I off ?  Have I failed to continue on with the healthy choices that I was determined to transition into being common practice? Have I lost my motivation?

No. No. NO.  I have not lost my motivation because I have a goal set, and the goal set is more like a deadline, goals are nice and I like to have them and love to achieve them but deadlines add excitement and an added pressure for an adrenaline junkie like me jonesing  for some endorphins. 

 I have followed an improved eating/exercise plan. The couch to 5k is an incredible tool to help keep my exercise plan on track.With it there is NO EXCUSE not to follow the program. On Monday I went to the gym to discover the treadmills both being used.  The treadmill is a necessary item for the couch to5k app. I was disappointed.  I only had so much time available to me and these guys were interfering with my agenda!  I jumped on the bike and pedaled away, after 30 minutes it was obvious  to me I wasn't going to be able to run on the treadmill (due to my time restraints) I was so mad! When I began to ride the first thought was, 'screw it' go back home come back later. Yet I already learned if I don't get my gym time in during the morning it probably wont occur at all.  I decided to continue my work out  minus the treadmill. Since I have a deadline before me, as well as other daily time restraints I have to plan the time to exercise.  I'm not typically a rigid person, however when a treadmill was unavailable it was difficult for me.  I had to accept it before I could make other accommodations. In reality no harm was done. Over the weekend we went on a family hike as I had planned on! Weekends will be family physical time.

The SparkPeople Diet and Food Tracker is an excellent guide and tracking tool as well.  But this app is more subjective-- in that, you will get out of  it what you put into it.  Over the weekend I didn't track my food until before bed. I was surprised when I came in under the calorie allotment anyway.  That's when I realized the SparkPeople app for me is a great guideline.  If  I go over my allotment for the day it doesn't matter-- what matters is being aware of the choices  I make. Today during a lunch date I had my eyes set on the Hang 10 burger, I rationalized I rarely get burgers so I can make an excuse to justify it.  But I found the turkey wrap to be just as appealing.  After processing down to my final 2 selections I asked myself  'which item would be better for my body'--decision made.  And I admit, yesterday while on task with my calorie  tracking I chose to have pumpkin pie with whipped cream for dinner!  (yes FOR dinner not with dinner! and I was within the allotted calories for the day!)

The perfectionist in me has a small voice. Perhaps my feeling like I should be further along then I am is a self sabotaging tactic that I use to excuse myself from succeeding?  The optimist in me always whispers hope and finds me a smile. The realist in me says, Really? I mean really?  The choice is yours----Make the time, or make the excuse! --

1 week down 11 to go...

Time sure flies when your having fun! Oh right really? "Fun".  Fun is indeed a subjective finding. What I have come to understand is that time just flies! This past week I began with the inspiration and motivation that usually begins any great accomplishment. This inspiration and motivation of mine is not unfamiliar to me, I have felt it often. In regards to a fitness plan/program I have met a few of those also in my past. And many times in the beginning I think "this is easy' , 'i can do this'. Yet since here I am again, entering week 2 of my 12 week journey the previous attempts must not have been "easy" or something "I can do" since I failed. And no "fail" is not too strong of a word. Why use "stopped" or even "quit" or "finished", (please as if one ever finishes a healthy life style change! Its a program for a lifestyle change  not a television program!)

 If I can accept I have failed then I can choose to try again. I can try as many times as I need and eventually I will either succeed or I will change something so that it is more manageable thus giving me a realistic opportunity at succeeding.

Success without failure along the way is like cake without frosting- 

It looks good and tastes good

 but can be so much sweeter with the extra ingredient!

Today I went to my children's school for a meeting and I was sorely disappointed to discover that neither of them were running in the morning mileage club! I thought 'oh my! What! Why aren't they running! They should be running! If I'm doing this they should be too!', as I stood around trying to spot their whereabouts I realized my goal, my fitness program geared specifically for me to complete a 5k leading them, is not their goal. I had to let my disappointment go since its mine, not theirs.

This week I stuck to my program well with the exception of the weekend. I struggled trying to get the gym time in due to my kids activities etc. I now know I really do need to get myself in the gym in the morning, before the rest of my life demands begin. During the school week its great, as soon as the kids are off I can work out and still be done early enough to not rearrange my work schedule. The weekends leave me having to be more disciplined. I am glad it only took me week 1 to realize this is a great area to adjust a bit so it can be better managed.  I think I will replace the gym routine on the weekends and replace it with family physical time. -walking, hiking, running. It will be a win/win since my kids aren't always running in mileage club at least they will run with me. We always have fun playing together. A family that plays together stays together!

My 12 weeks (of life) at this time is being run like a program, and as another highly overused yet completely accurate saying goes- "it works if you work it"...                                                                                  

so cliche- "you got to love your self...." blah blah blah....I thought I did-- I have a healthy sense of self, I am confident, strong, aware of my abilities/shortcomings and of course I'm an all around good person with a genuine heart!  Whats not to love?!-- silly thing though when I look in the mirror I remind myself what it is I don't love.--- its horrible to say but I don't like seeing my mom on my face. I hate it actually. (And I don't hate much, since hate is such a strong word). Alas, there is a starting point for me, how to turn that hate of my (own) face into a face that I (can) love?  And I do not hate my mom, I  love my mom. It even pains me to admit aloud that I look like her-and I hate it.  I hope none of my daughters will ever feel this way but if they do I will understand, and I will know that it just means they don't love a part of themselves.

 When I look into the mirror I do not  feel like the person I see.  This morning I realised I don't feel as fat as I look.  I never have. Despite not doing some of the things I long to do, such as ride, surf, ski, run-- I keep myself in the delusion that since I'm active I must be somewhat fit.  Hell I run after my kids!  --  it isn't that being fat is keeping me from doing certain things, although seriously whens the last time you saw an obese surfer riding the waves? --its that the weight locks in the fear, and its the fear that prevents me from doing.   It could be another example of a persons fear of success (yes my fear of success).  If I drop the hated weight what will hold me back??

Anyway also along with todays self discovery I was enlightened by another  thought that said I must be fit in order for my kids to follow.---  The kids and I are planning on running a 5k in January and I dont want to be the one following! I must be leading my littles--- I must be fit to follow!

This is week one of  this 12 weeks of my life, at this time. This blog will journey with me during the next 11 weeks...I'm hopeful during this time period I will look in the mirror and I will love who i see! --
(and just in time for ski season!)