I remember when I had my "ah ha" moment that taught me I was feeding my anxiety. I'm not an anxious person by nature and first I had to accept the fact that sometimes I experience anxiety. I realized I was mindlessly eating, seeking to gain control of my innerworld. I was already practicing my "food is fuel" mantra. I wanted control and somehow being able to eat and eat and eat more led me to the false belief that the result would be satisfying. I guess my theory was that being satiated would lead me to being satisfied—since feeling anxiety is on the opposite end of the satisfaction scale. The problem was not feeding my emotions, but feeding my body. Emotions need to be identified and processed, they can't be drowned out or stuffed down so far they disintegrate. They need time-and no food can speed time up.
I don't know where I am in this process of mine, since life is a journey. Eating healthy is my preference and working out is a priority. It's been about 3 years and 3 months since I began my change for a healthy lifestyle, 40 months and 3 days to be exact. When I started I wasn't aiming for a specific weight goal. I was going for a 10 min mile. I chased a 10 min mile for awhile. I would like to run faster but I am satisfied with my running time. I believe the only way I will run faster is by weighing less. At some point I set a weight goal. I have been trying to crack 200 pounds for over 3 years! At one point in time I was 1 pound away!-- What did I do to fail? Was it self sabotage? I don't know- but at the time I was 0 carbs for 2 weeks and I kind of like carbs. A 0 carb diet for life is not a diet I want. It's not sustainable. I went through a period where I was not eating enough protein (and not losing any weight despite calorie counting and working out). No matter what you still can’t out exercise a bad diet.
Sadly it really isn't as easy as calories in, calories burned out. But here I go again! This time I'm chasing 190! I want to reach my goal weight of 190 by my birthday in April. 190 is the weight that my drivers license says and I guarantee you I did not weigh 190 when I received it. I think the last time I weighed 190 was in 1986. I was a large 190 then I was a pregnant 200+ in 1987 and it just went up from there. I don't know what's different this time. I have a different mind set, I feel more determined than ever to reach my weight goal. #1 being to crack 200 and the ultimate to weigh #190. My kids are as supportive as they can be (they are tween, and teens so that doesn't mean much!) I have always believed in setting goals and enjoy a good
Anyway, I'm back on my 12 weeks at a time! This time I'm #chasing190
