7 weeks down...5 to go...

30 days from today to be exact. Nothin like a little pressure to up the ante!  or more precise would be, nothing like some added pressure to increase the adrenaline! I am using "pressure" as a synonym for "fear". Because pressure, especially self induced pressure is based on an internal fear.   We have 3 typical reactions to (fear), FIGHT, FLIGHT or FREEZE.  I have never been one to freeze, rarely am I one to flee and almost always am I a fighter.   I think that's probably why the pressure of deadlines work for me. As I have aged I don't so much depend on the sense of urgency to motor me through the task that's causing me the anxiety in the first place.  And I now enjoy the calmness of being prepared ahead of time. I think that's all part of learning discipline.  Or perhaps maturity? Or maybe discipline=mature?  At any rate, the scale has tipped and the pressure is on! I am now closer to the 12th week, (starting line) and further away from week 1 (beginning point). Today I don't feel ready, nor do I feel I will be ready 30 days from now.  It will be interesting to see what will develop over the next 30 days.  I  have all my children home from school, and  we will be moving next week, therefore we are spending time packing (or we will soon start anyway!)  I will be using these logistics as positive distractions from the angst of fearing my failure at leading my kids in the Carmel Valley 5k.

Now sets in the rationalization. I will complete the 5k. I was aiming to lead my kids, that is have them follow me, rather then them out run me!  (though they always seem to 'outrun' me so I don't know why I even think this is a possibility?!). And its no big deal.  The ultimate goal of mine was to complete the 5k RUN, not run/walk but run. So if that's accomplished than its an overall success.  The beauty in such a goal is that there really is no loss, or ultimate failure. All the efforts toward completing such an accomplishment stand on their own and only improve my life overall. The 'habits' I have been working to condition myself into are all positive and will continue even after the 5k, or I should say "this 5k". So, overall this is a no-fail plan! We in the recovery world think "rationalization" is a bad thing, when in actuality if the rationalization takes place of internal self destruction -its a good thing!  (when rationalizing takes place of denial then its not a good thing!)

This week has been ---I don't even know---it has just been!  I added a new tool in my toolkit which is a Fitbit. A Fitbit is a tracking band that can track your activity, such as steps walked, distance gone, calories in/out as well as tracking your sleep history.  I was anxiously looking forward to learning my sleep patterns. Unfortunately the first 2 nights it didn't track my sleep:(  Last night it did, except it has the wrong start time for sleep (I think it must have tapped into sleep mode while I was making dinner), none-the-less, the results however accurate they may be, were shocking! It said I experienced "3 hours and 34 mins of sleep".  I went to bed around 1230 woke around 7:00 with a 54% sleep efficient rate!---I will try it again tonight to see what may be revealed. I was going to return the Fitbit when the sleep wasn't being tracked   Also, yesterday it logged -0- minutes in the "very active minutes" category, which was disappointing since we went for a family run and I ran!  I ran while pushing an additional 140 pounds around the track! One of the things about the Fitbit that I found most attractive was the instant gratification one can enjoy when they check their stats! -- unfortunately, the Fitbit doesn't sync with MY droid device, however Fitbit syncs with sparkpeople which is great!  We will do a family run again today, minus me pushing 140 pounds and I hope to see the activity correctly recorded in the Fitbit (previously it recorded 'very active' minutes and all I did was muscle through Toys R Us and Costco! Not even breaking a sweat!)

My rationalization is based on true data.  Last night the kids and I enjoyed our first Annual Christmas Run! It was a run till you drop event.  I thought I would last longer than I did!  Jake took the title!  Karma wasn't participating in it, mainly because shes a cheat (cutting through the field etc) but also because I think she could run circles around both her brother and I!   We had a great time walking, running and laughing!  Its a no-fail plan with a WIN-WIN-WIN outcome!!

 Noble Family 1st Annual Christmas Run  12/25/13

6 weeks down...6 to go

NO LIMITS, or KNOW LIMITS. 6 weeks have now passed since I began this 12 week "training" and 6 weeks are left before its time to test said training! --- In anticipating my weekly self accountability report (this blog) I was planning to write something about excuses.  When complications arise we can choose to create an excuse and abandon our efforts or we can choose to employ creative thinking and forge ahead.  We can blame someone, or something or we can adapt to the unexpected circumstances.

 In reviewing these past weekly reports I detected a theme.  Its about time, (pun intended), there is a theme of time and making good use of it. From what we choose to do, who we choose to do it with, what we choose to eat and how we choose to do it.
 I don't  have to admit to having excuses, because I have 4 children. I don't run strictly on my time, I function on kid time. When the demands of my children's schedule presented me with a very clear obstacle in maintaining consistent training I used alternative methods to get the physical exercise in (creative thinking). When the unexpected emotional process and poor planning arose with the holiday visit from my oldest daughter I practiced acceptance and made a well thought out adjustment.-- Rather than being inconsistent with the Couch-to-5k program I choose a flex week which allowed me free run time and enabled me to be true to myself as well as being honest with the program log.

 This past week so much has happened, from the kids having a weekend visit with their dad, to Christmas performances, to basketball practices, to having a sick kid, to having a broke down car and a broken phone.  --  out of all these fine opportunities for me to create an excuse to avoid my training (self care) the thought to do so never crossed my mind.  ----Until I realized on Saturday my crashed phone meant the loss of my Couch-to5k app. MAJOR DISAPPOINTMENT!! out of all the loss and turmoil I experienced this past week losing that app was the hardest hit I took!  I took a deep breath, imagined my run log that I was so proudly watching as the accomplishments grew--realizing I will never see them again-- and then I laughed! "well I guess I'm done then! no more training."  As I said those words out loud I felt my body shake at its core! It was crying, "No.NO. Please NO." and I looked into the mirror and I said to myself there's no way that will stop me!  Then I began thinking of ways to adapt to this huge external loss.  I can have a free run week, (until my replacement phone comes), and then I just start it again making some modifications to catch me back up to speed. I was so excited when my phone arrived to find the app transfer over--but there was no data, just the app. Better then nothing, saved me $1.99 anyway. Today I forgot my ear buds and again, an instant excuse to not go to the gym or utilize the app--but I dealt with it. I had a great training time this morning resuming week 4 of the program, and while I tend to be a "no limits" and a "no pain no gain" type of person, I realize I have limits! -- I can handle the rapid heartbeat during the transitions of alternate jog/walk modes, I can handle the burning or otherwise throbbing in my calves, I can handle my shirt rising above my pants, or straps falling down my shoulders and I can especially handle the tear drops of sweat all over my entire body--but what I cant handle--- is having to go pee and jogging at the same time! I do have my limits and I now Know my limit! despite believing in NO LIMITS! ---

1/2 way through this 12 weeks of my life--I proudly admit I am loving it!! Today while walking almost 2 miles (to get former broke down car), Karma was razoring ahead and I was mildly speed walking (in boots). The thought crossed my mind- I could probably jog this! The more I thought about it, though not at all dressed to jog I really believed  I  could have jogged it, and probably the entire way!  That feeling--of believing in myself -- confirmed for me that I am right on track! :)

!

5 weeks down...7 to go....

It takes 3 weeks to form a habit.-- Have you heard that? It's not true.  Anyone can do anything for 21 days right? If its true- then why don't we all have only great habits! Jason Selk has written a great piece on 'Habit Formation: The 21-Day Myth'.  In this piece found on www.forbes.com he shares HIS model of  "what habit formation really looks like" .  According to his model there is 3 phases of habit formation:

1. THE HONEYMOON
2. THE FIGHT THRU
3. SECOND NATURE.

 I find this model to be most accurate, certainly far more credible than the thought thinking theory of  'a habit is formed in 21 days!' ---  

With just over a month completed and entering week 4 of the Couch-to-5k program. I can without a doubt say the honeymoon is over!!  I have entered the 'fight thru' stage, my thoughts and feelings about this 12 week plan of mine have changed. My goal remains and my motivation is the same but the internal process has shifted.  I feel at times anxiety, ugh gosh how I hate that feeling!  Anxious that I won't make my goal! Anxious that I'm running out of time. A little anger too. What was I thinking? Why do this?  Damn me anyway.  I'm not ready!

 --- the couch to 5k app is a great program but maybe not if you are a Clydesdale  runner like me! (I recently learned this term from one of my running mentors via her blog 'runningcurves' .)

 I get to run half a 5k this week? OHMY@$%(AR!?X#%   That sounds intimidating :(  Why do so many things sound like a good idea at the time? To help me through this fight thru I remind myself of the goal, the Carmel Valley 5k.  I also provide myself with some comfort in that I will be running this with my young children.  They tell me they can run all the way through- I don't think they can. So I definitely have my 'out' should I need to stop, because they stop.  Of course I hope that's not the case.  But  seriously if my kids can't keep up (which is what I'm banking on) can I really leave them behind?). Is having an "out" a self defeating plan? Or simply a way to alleviate some anxiety? It's probably both. Anxiety is powerful but I'm pretty sure self sabotage is even more powerful. 

I have 5 more weeks to go in the training app, and 7 more until its live 5k time.  I am not quite half way through and the self sabotaging thoughts have begun to form. Fortunately I have such pride blended in with a pinch of arrogance that the fight thru phase is a friendly competition that my narcissistic tendencies will eat up!

And to aid me into the SECOND NATURE PHASE upon the success of my GOAL prompting this lifestyle habitual change,  I have a bigger picture in view-- The  Scottsdale GIANT RACE, March 8, 2014. 

http://www.scottsdalegiantrace.com/  LETS GO GIANTS!!! 

http://www.forbes.com/sites/jasonselk/2013/04/15/habit-formation-the-21-day-myth/

www.runningcurves.wordpress.com

4 weeks down...8 to go....

 I am flexing my second week. I am enjoying the freedom of running on my own will-both literally and figuratively! However YOU really tend to get in my way! I think up a plan then you come along and change it convincing me there is something better!  There is a familiar saying among the recovery world "you have to get out of your own way". I think genuinely we do have the best plan for us, but somehow we get distracted. We distract ourselves or we allow others to distract us!

This has been a weird week. An emotional one for me that I didn't quite anticipate. I was able to digest Thanksgiving day fairly well, my spirits were running high.  It was wonderful to have all my children together. There were some less then wonderful moments too, mainly when the plans we had,  had to change due to certain distractions. Its easy to get distracted and lose track of time. Especially when you are dealing with more than one person and have time constraints.  I would have enjoyed spending every available minute with my oldest daughter but that wasn't in the plans.

 We are so often easily influenced by the company we keep. Its good when different personalities form a pair or a partnership-sometimes. Then other times its not so good! Sometimes a partnership can motivate each-other in different ways and together they thrive. Other times if both are lacking then they wont succeed.  And sometimes one may be more industrious than the other and either they tire of the partner who isn't performing and break away, or they resign their own drive and succumb to the low energy of their partner and also quit performing. I have found this to be the case many times. I think its why I prefer working out by myself.  Often you hear "get a buddy" to go to the gym with. I have had a few buddies and a few gym trips with them and it isn't that its necessarily bad, I just prefer to be on my own.  Its my time, I get in my own head, or out of it.  I do not at all enjoy walking along side a friend on the treadmill talking the whole time, nor do I enjoy hearing others do it. Isn't that what a coffee-shop is for?   Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me, because I have never liked working out with a friend, or making the plans to do so.  Often I would be on task and ready to go but my work out partner was running late, or  "not feeling it", etc.  then I would apply some peer pressure (I don't really know why!) and sometimes they would come around! Either way if they were on task and sticking to the plan or not my plan remained the same.  Its hard to find a partner that will bring the best out of you and for whom you will do the same. I know going it single be it at the gym or in my personal life there is definitely fewer distractions.  And less distraction allows me to stick to the plan that works best for me and what I want out of life--less distraction limits the opportunity for "You" to get in my way--and for me to get out of my way!

My kids are huge distractions!  Over this past weekend we took another nice hike on a beach and it truly is an amazingly enjoyable experience. We stopped along the way and we talked, laughed and had fun!  I could almost say it was a great bonding experience, but that's not really the case since this physical family fun we have is not for "bonding" rather its just for being!-- I am fortunate to have children that are full of energy and enjoy doing things rather than sitting in front of a screen of some sort. (they enjoy their screen time as well don't get me wrong!)

 This week I didn't plan on using flex time but I became distracted with work and parenting issues and I let MY time slide to the bottom of the priority list. When there are so many external variables its hard not to be adversely influenced and its easy to lose focus, get off track and abandon plans.  I don't foresee any great distractions in the next 8 weeks (Thanksgiving and my daughters visit were GREAT distractions!). I will maximize the use of my available flex time as best I can and I look forward to being back on MY program.

**and running on the beach is AMAZING!!  I think I should get extra credit for it because its hard! --  Whats even harder is having to leave the beach!  Today she was so beautiful and I left only when I had to pick the kids up!!  They are always getting in my way:)