11 weeks down....4 DAYS TO GO!!!

There is little to distinguish an excuse from a reason.  A reason is something that explains a situation/circumstance so in context it makes sense and can be clearly understood by most anyone.  An excuse on the other hand is something said to support your decision. An excuse often blames external factors which then gives you a sense of relief  for not performing-an excuse provides you with an (acceptable) "out".  Excuses  allow us to avoid taking personal responsibility for our own actions. When we have a reason for a change in our plans we have accepted responsibility and we have chosen to change our plan of action. I don't like excuses, I strive for personal accountability and therefore personal responsibility.

 84 days behind me and 4 more in front of me. Here I sit with tea and honey and a box of Kleenex! My ribs hurt from coughing so much and my chest feels like its on fire. -- I am grateful my lungs have opened a bit more since the weekend. I can inhale without choking so the self care remedies I am applying are working. At first I refused to acknowledge any sickness in me.  I decided it was allergies, even calling it a summer cold (despite being Winter time- but hey this is So.Cal living!). I resigned over the weekend and accepted the fact that this 12 week plan of mine is not ending the way I imagined.  --. I cant say "didn't end"  because it wont end until Saturday, when the  Carmel Valley 5k is completed. --as for this week I imagined myself running an easy 1-2 miles almost daily in order to conquer the 3 mile run Saturday.  That's just not happening:(   and that's OK. It is what it is.  I'm not going to make any excuses, I don't need to.  I am accountable to myself and I don't want to tell myself lies or excuse my self for not reaching my goals.  When you lie to yourself it makes it so much easier to lie to others, and then its easier for you to live the lie.

This 12 weeks did not have the end result I was hoping for. So, since quitters never win and  winners never quit I wont call it a  total fail,  I will call it a "miss". All things remain in place and I will continue my pursuit and journey on towards the Scottsdale Giants Race!! It is March 8, which is 7 weeks away.  Realistically I will have 6 weeks to prepare for it. Which would then be a total of 18 weeks of life style change--all my tools remain actively in use, my mind set is "in it to win it", and I cant wait to see what the end of the next 6 weeks will result in!--- I'm not getting too excited about the Scottsdale Race since there are lots of logistics that need to be squared away as well as Mom duties.--(namely basketball for 2 kids, baseball for 2 kids and softball for 1!)

As for now- I have 4 days to best prepare myself for the Carmel Valley 5k. Not much more can be done other than trying my best-and the best is what will come!

10 weeks down...12 DAYS TO GO...

Ten weeks down, 12 days to go, one day at a time!  'One day at a time' a familiar slogan especially in the  world of recovery. When one day at a time isn't even manageable chunk it down to one hour at a time, or one minute.   Time passes--no matter-- it waits for no one. How we choose to perform at any given time is on us. This has been an interesting past couple of weeks where life really interfered with 'my plan'. Looking back on it now I feel like the previous 8 weeks were cakewalk! 

I have no idea how I will perform in the upcoming 5k.  I think the Couch to 5k is a great program and does work- While I was keeping with the training I was on track, not easy by any means but manageable and definitely worth the effort.  When my phone crashed and my data was lost it was disappointing. However, I  chose to resume where I was by skipping the first 5 weeks of training. I did that for 3 sessions and when my times were logged I found myself feeling incomplete (the data was inconsistent).   I then decided I could start over with day 1, session 1, and complete it on a daily basis (rather than the every other day it is programmed for), so I started over.  That was an interesting concept for me to wrap my head around- to start over? Its so easy to tell others, especially your children "oh you don't like how its going? well just start over"  or when the building blocks they are so carefully working on come tumbling down  we reassure them that  it's alright and direct them to start over. This got me thinking about  "starting over" especially since we moved over the new year and it feels so much like 'starting over', yet remaining the same. Starting over doesn't have to be grim it can in fact be refreshing.  In many ways starting over is like a second chance and when it comes along its an opportunity to relieve yourself of past regrets, not relive them. Take the lessons learned and generously apply them!

 My replacement phone crashed. The phone with the 'started over' Couch-2-5k app. The phone didn't exactly crash -it just isn't taking a charge and its now left drained and useless.  Yes, I will get a new replacement for the recently replaced phone, and yes I could start over. Or I might just try again. 

The SparkPeople app has an on line version so that data has remained. The newly added Fitbit also has an on line version so that data is safe. The Fitbit has been a great addition yet I wonder if it also hasn't served as a hindrance.  I value it for its 'weight loss' component but I think I may have compensated my treadmill jog  time for "steps in a day" time. One night I was about 600 steps short of 10k so I literally paced the floors in my home!  Then I simplified it by marching in place. And when I tired out Fitbit logged nearly 3x's the needed movements to reach the days goal.  So-since then I have pulled out the mini trampoline and I run away.  I have really surprised myself at how long I can run in place on it-- through 1/2 of a Law an Order or a complete Judge Judy show!  I have since added weights and have a whole mini circuit running in my living room.  There is heavy breathing, sweat dripping and throbbing muscles, in conjunction with accelerating and exhilarating heart activity. I don't know how trampoline time computes into run time, but I do know either is definitely worth my time! Its up to me on how I want to perform. 

8 weeks down...4 to go...

 I am goal driven. And I am a dreamer.  Sometimes the line is very thin between a goal and a dream.  Often a dream can be made into a goal. I am not sure if its my right brained dreamy side or my left brained logic-goal side that has dominated me this past week.  None the less, I have a goal and its prize is called completion. This has been an overwhelming, surreal week for me.  I lost enthusiasm with the couch to 5k app since my data was lost with the loss of my phone. I decided to just do free runs instead, but I'm not sure if that's the best strategy to take. I am so looking forward to seeing what the Fitbit will record when I run with it! ---  It didn't record last week which I thought was odd, and this week I haven't run:(  This week I moved--it was an unexpected, unintended, poorly timed, much needed change.  The Fitbit was my silent partner during this 3 day process, with today being the most active (and the finale of the move "out").  Not  a single day went by where I didn't think about the training for the 5k I am NOT doing, and not a day went by where I didn't think about January 25.  I don't know what will happen on that date. I do know once the kids are back in school and the unpacking and settling in completes I will have a much better idea of how I might do! I also know one way or another I will complete it!   By turning  this simple dream of mine into a goal, its been made possible.  My goal is the 5k, my prize is completion and I have not taken my eyes off the prize!