on to the final 4...

Honestly I lost track of how many weeks are now behind me, not that it matters anyway. What does matter is whats up ahead and it is now the final 4!  

"lost track" - "off track" is one of those catch alls that we use for anything, mainly for an excuse to explain an unmet expectation, or a lapse in judgement. It is one of  my peeve phrases.  And for that reason I will not say I am going to get back on track, now that the holidays have passed.  I didn't get off track, I made choices.  I chose to not track my food, to not track with my fitbit and to not practice health-conscious eating.    This doesn't mean I didn't care what I ate, or  that I ate whatever sounded good and it doesn't mean I didn't exercise. It means I lived the way I did about 14 weeks ago! (prior to this installment of  12 weeks at a time,  and before training with Bo).

The choices I made all have their own consequences. Now that I consciously made  unhealthy choices and I experienced the unintended consequences I know better.  When waking up with a headache is the result of an overdose of sugar its a firm reminder that I drank the poison.  While celebrating late into the night was fun at the time I didn't think ahead as to how the next day, or days would be effected. Thankfully I did work during the out of town holiday week. When I work I make a conscious choice to be responsible with my behavior in order to perform well.  And thats what I need to remember, I need to feel well in order to perform well.

   The time away we had during our Arizona thanksgiving holiday came with a weight gain, and I ate much better and exercised much more then our Nor Cal christmas trip.  I am fearful of where my ##s are now. Proud of my 13 min mile do I still have what it takes?  (13 is not where I want it to be, but 15 is where I started!)-Realizing the weight goal for 12/25 was an impossible achievement, I'm afraid to see how far off I am:(  I did minimal exercise while we were away but it felt great!  I now know I could have done more and I can only imagine how much greater it could have been.

The holidays are over, we have returned home. I can now resume to my "routine". I managed to lose the turkey gain rather quickly, not easily-but quickly. I'm hopeful that I will do the same, assuming there is a weight gain.  I have 4 weeks until the Carmel Valley 5k but only 2 weeks before the 5k Rum Run. I'm not wanting to place in either of these, I just want to run the distance! --and I know I can.

I did receive an incredible gift this past week- knowledge.  I know now the things that I want, and its only from experiencing the things that I now know I don't want!

This was the hardest blog for me to write yet-- and I think it has been the most powerful!

I will FORGET the PAST,
I will FACE the FUTURE,
and I WILL RUN!!

11 Weaks Done, 7th week has been fun..

Time sure flies when your having funnn, naah---- nah you know what? - Time just flies!
Seven weeks until its go time. I am ready.  Ready for what?- That I'm not too sure about but I am ready!  The days leading into this week have been impressive for me. The  holiday induced +3 has balanced out and I have been justifiably compensated with a -8.  Those ##'s place me on track as far as my weight loss goal.

The thing about my weight loss goal is that I have broken it up into increments, I made it more manageable. I had one goal (with no target date), which I surpassed some time ago, then I set my next goal - which is what I'm working towards now with a target date (merry xmas to me:),  afterwards the next goal, with a target date (5/3/15) then the ultimate goal slated for 8/5/15.

 My first goal was small and do-able. Well, it was a small goal, but actually had not been do-able for me since 2011. - I kept it a reasonable goal so that I could succeed.  Success provides a sense of accomplishment. The powerful feeling of accomplishment provides the much needed motivation for continued success.  Each goal was set with a personal reward, and even though I met goal #1 I have not cashed in on my reward, (a new piercing). My goal set for 12/25 is more difficult and when I succeed at it, the empowering feeling of earning that accomplishment will be its own reward! The goal set for May 3rd is the last huge hurdle before I cross into the finish line and  into my ultimate goal-a trip to Maui!  Actually its a 2fer,  some very special people in my life are making the ultimate commitment (legalizing it anyway) and having their wedding in Maui, so I will be rewarded by being a part of their beautiful day surrounded by true love and beauty!  And what better personal reward than a holiday in paradise! (correction: a kid-free holiday in paradise).

Since the beginning of this 12 weeks at a time  I have said that this isn't about weight loss, which it isn't. It is about a lifestyle change, and changes don't happen without gains and losses.  The weight is my greatest loss during this change of lifestyle.  Many things have changed, actually improved.  I think improved is a more accurate word than changed.  I now eat spinach for goodness sake! -and I like it! I run-- for fun! Speaking of, this week I went on a nice hike -going even further than the last time. I am almost ashamed and definitely embarrassed to admit it but this hike wasn't even possible for me last year. I would hike up the first leg then not knowing what was up ahead steeper and deeper I turned back playing it safe.  Since I began training with Bo he has pushed and pushed me. I felt confident enough to hike even further. Tuesday I went the furthest, and deepest in I ever have. And then as if that wasnt enough I had training with him afterward!

 --I have no doubt without Bo's help I wouldn't be where I am today. And that includes being sore! My body aches daily, well not true it didn't ache when I drove to Phoenix, well it did actually, but it was more of a longing.  When I'm not working it, or feeling it (the aches) I'm craving it!--
*of course  I may reconsider this after I train 3x's a week with Bo (rather than 2'xs)--thank goodness time sure does fly!

On the mountains of truth, you can never climb in vain;
either you reach a point higher up today,
or you will be training your powers so that you will be able to climb higher tomorrow.
------Nietzsche 

Week 10 down, 11 almost through, what am I going to do?

Its a good thing I'm not dieting or trying to get in shape because those ambitions are not compatible with the months of October, November and December.  What I'm after is that golden ticket-- a lifestyle change. (rather ironic that I used a reference from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!?)

If you think about it "lifestyle change", what does it really mean anyway? You can change the batteries in a smoke detector, you can change the light bulb in a lamp, you can change the tires on your car-even change your hair style!!--but how do you change your life? As if you can wake up one day and declare "I change my life". Nope, it doesn't work that way. It does start with a slight desire to change, (the precontemplation stage), it sounds like "I wish" or "if only",  "that would be nice" etc. Then after entertaining what feels like wishful thinking and impossible accomplishments you enter the contemplation stage. During the contemplation stage you start to consider the pros's and the con's of change.  You give serious thought to setting goals that seemed out of reach in the precontemplation stage. You remain ambivalent throughout this stage,  but, when you proceed through, it is where interest coincides with motivation. These 2 variables interest+motivation lead to preparation. Preparation is a series of choices. (and a requirement of making change-) Once preparation has been initiated you are ready for the main ingredient which is ACTION.--

It will always hold true that action speaks louder than words. I can say I want to be healthy, I want to be fit, I want to out run my kids. Without my taking action those words are meaningless.  Once the action phase is fully managed and under control you enter the maintenance stage.  I'm not there, and I am far from being there, however, I am thankful to be in the ACTION stage.

This past week and a 1/2 allowed me to go out of town for the thanksgiving break. This meant no sessions with Bo and food on the go. I planned for healthy eating and I did get a few miles of run time in. I also drank a lot of calories:(    We were pool side with my kids eating from the grill while I ate yogurt and pretzels. At the restaurant my kids ate their favorites I ordered salad. Which would have been great if I didn't chase the salad down with long islands or similar liquids. None the less I thought I did well overall. Even on the actual feast day itself!--I would have stayed within healthy limits (vino included) if only Fireball wasn't involved.  We drove for over 12 hours round trip and I drank only water, (a big change from the usual diet coke and mountain dew consumption), and for snacking on I ate carrots and almonds an even bigger change from the road trip required doritos and reese's pieces of  my past. I felt changes were made since different ways were had.

Upon our return home I was curious of my number. I did not expect to lose any weight, I was hoping for no gain either. Sadly, I was let down and there was a gain. I had both fear and excitement for my sessions with Bo to resume. I was actually looking forward to his training  but I feared his  (our) reaction to the scale.  I assumed he would want to check, but he didn't, He only asked me what it was, no doubt he knew I was mindful of the number. He didn't seem surprised at all I was still upset! -- I whined about the healthy choices I made yet the end result did not reflect them.  While I know if  I indulged or bought into the whole 'i'm on vacation' mentality the gain would have been much more than 3 pounds I still felt cheated.  I'm blaming it on the alcohol.  Well ok, on the choice I made to consume the alcohol! --