Week 6 down, 11 to go... Say it ain't so!

Wow!  11 weeks to go, one more and it will be the final 10 week count down! -- 6 weeks in now and I feel comfortable. Hard to imagine that I would be ok cranking the treadmill up and running, just running. Looking back as I  ran my first complete mile in week 3 I spoke of not feeling present in the run, and I was not clear headed.  Now I feel present, whole and grounded and my mentality is like, "bring it!" -- Many of the tid bit pieces of inspiring motivation or factual information that Bo has fed me these past few weeks accompany me at different times -- mostly when I want to slow down or stop.

Today has been an odd day, the thought to cancel training with Bo entered my mind, I have much to do since I'm now taking a somewhat impromptu trip to San Francisco, home of the 2010, 2012 and 2014 WORLD CHAMPIONS! - However, I thought what's one hour out of my day?-- so despite the lack of sleep, because seriously who could sleep after such an awesome win by the GIANTS last night, I made no attempt to cancel training with Bo.  --As it turned out, Bo had to cancel with me. Wow. I thought, just wow! -- and I'm ok with that! No disappointment here. This opened up time for me to get the oil changed etc. Even though there was no training session with Bo, that doesnt mean im not in training. There is no excuse not to exercise!

Things I said I would NEVER do!! --   I have been adding to my bucket list of late, which got me thinking about the things I am now doing that I swore I would never do!! --There are some things, such as groaning loudly on a machine, as in loudly like having a baby loudly, you know what I mean, that I have told myself "I would never do that", and I have found myself doing just that. Just once, Tuesday with Bo. It didn't seem to bother him, he was probably pleased. I of course didn't make mention of the shock I felt when such a sound escaped my mouth-for I knew if I made a comment he would have made me repeat it! -- When I first stopped sugar  (years ago) I remember thinking I will just have it with my coffee, because I didn't think I would be able to drink it black. But I was, funny thing, I don't even drink coffee now!  Another one of the things I said I would never do was weigh food.--  I always said I would NEVER weigh my food. But now I have because this week I did and I will again!     Which for me this is clear evidence that I am changing more than I expected. Who knows perhaps one day I will enjoy cooking?   (thinking not, but ya never know). I may even plan ahead and prepare our weekly meals  at one time! (as Bo suggests as well as Angela does!) -- Yes, I think I just might, but not sure, so I can't  say it ain't so?! But, groaning at the gym? Oh my say it ain't so!?!

3 oz

week 5 down, 12 to go...Today I can say I am ready

I took my running to the streets this past week. It was an interesting  experience to say the least. I thought I was running for 15 minutes and when I stopped to check it was a 1/2 mile later and only 5 minutes had passed.  I didn't have ear buds in so perhaps the time would have felt differently if I had something other than my footsteps, erratic breathing, the birds and  the cars to listen to. I stopped and inhaled the beautiful view of Carmel Valley before I returned, knowing it was going to only take me 5 minutes! Next time I will be better prepared with a song list and won't wonder about the time or distance, as Bo says, "just run".

This week I was thinking about how I haven't written much about food or my weight. My focus is not on losing weight but on gaining perspective. The pounds are dropping but according to Bo not as much as he expected.   He was not happy with my weight loss. I was.  Well, I wouldn't say I was happy with it, but I was fine with it. I got a hard lecture on sticking to a 'food plan', when I would say I stuck with it at least 80% of the time.- I wasn't too upset about his lecture, I mean he had many valid points. I was not going to try to excuse myself away I simply said it's about perspective. Yes he was upset I ate our Friday night pizza, but I informed him I had 1 piece, not 3 like I would have before. Yes, I ate that snack bag of doritos, but it was only like 25 chips and 150 calories! -- which I savored every second of! and that Justin's dark chocolate peanut butter cup is organic!----

 The large eye opener for me this week was the new relationship I have with food. I cant explain it, or even know how it came about. I actually enjoy most meals, because they are  either healthy or they are tasty and low calorie, sometimes they are both!  Years ago when I joined overeaters anonymous I was proud of myself for being able to order an ice cream cone from Mc Ds for my children and not have one myself.  Last month I went thru the Mc Ds drive thru and hard as it was to by pass the sausage mcmuffin I opted for the yogurt parfait instead.  Today, I can order my children anything, anywhere and I won't crave the same fast food crap, and I certainly dont desire to eat crap!

So yesterday, with Bo disappointed in the ## of pounds lost he decided to have me run a 5k @4.5 mph. I had no doubt I could do it. When I began training with Bo he said I would be running a 5k well before the actual 5k run, I thought that made sense.    When he told me the plan at session #5 that I would be running 1 mile under 15 minutes I didn't think it was possible, I felt I wasnt ready, but it happened. Five weeks (and 9 sessions later) I can say I am ready to run a 5k. (not how I envision it but nonetheless I can do it!) --- I am NOT ready to end training with Bo and I am ready to  continue to improve my perspective while increasing both my weight loss and my running time!---

@ Torrey Pines 

week 4 down, 13 to go...Either way you will grow

As the physical work continues,  so does the mental work. This past week I prepared myself (mentally) and I felt good, and strong as I headed towards Bo. The session was great, but the feelings of good and strong were replaced with the feelings of weak and worn!  I wasn't mentally weak or worn but physically I was! As I shared this feeling with Bo he just smiled. --making me think its true that personal trainers are sadists in the making.  Of course that isn't true, but it sure  can feel that way.
One of the things I like most about working with Bo is that he has a no nonsense mentality, little tolerance for excuses and a sense of humor.  I dont have much patience for excuses either, I simply believe either you did or you didnt. The reason may be interesting, the excuse may be sensible but neither change the outcome.  Yes, No, try again.--- If you were supposed to do something, but something (insert excuse here) got in your way then you try again. If you can try again hopefully you can learn from the failed attempt and make changes so next time you do it, and there is no excuse.
I have gone to work with Bo off nearly no sleep, when I've been sick  (or caring for sick kids) or when my work schedule is very busy. Yesterday I had a previously scheduled dentist appointment for some major work. I knew I was pushing it having an 8:15a appointment but I thought I would make my session with Bo.  I was feeling a little concerned about the intensity of the training in relation to the numbing and other after effects of the dental work. The thought crossed my mind to reschedule  but hating excuses as much as I do-- I didn't think that reason was good enough.  Then, as if the universe knew better (which it does), moments before the dental work began Bo sent me a mesg needing to reschedule.  And I'm not gonna lie I felt no disappointment!  I was relieved, and the work was much more painful than I had planned on it being. --I was able to recover comfortably while at the same time knowing that Bo's unavailability has nothing to do with my ability to work out. There simply was no excuse for me not to work out. -- How  strenuous of a work out is a different story.

 I feel with Bo if I say something is hard  he pushes for more, I guess the thinking is that it then will become easier? (or he truly is a sadist). Yet if  I say its easy then he pushes for more, until I no longer think its easy.  So, being in this no-win situation, or  win/win really, I try to say nothing, and just do.  Which makes sense, physical training is about doing. There is no need for excuses, just do it.  I did work out yesterday, not as hard as I would have had I been under the direction of Bo, but I did manage to  shed a minute off my mile run time. --But it was far from easy and I will not tell Bo because he will expect even more next week!

This past week I had a new understanding on how difficult it is to be wanting change, wanting to work for that change yet fearing the process of facing said change.  This is a feeling I think many people have, it's one that I took for granted-- I've known it on an intellectual level, but I have never felt it until now. It definitely takes an amazingly strong person to pursue  those changes despite the discomfort. Change is sometimes easy, and sometimes hard but  for sure either way you will grow.

week 3 down, 14 to go...What you see, will set you free

This has been an interesting week. 6 sessions completed with Bo.  My first session this week I was ambivalent because Bo warned me the prior session that I would be running a mile in less than 15 minutes.  Im not gonna lie, I have massive excuses to justify my inability to accomplish such task. Lack of sleep, still being sick and caring for 2 sick kids being among the top of that list.  But nonetheless I went. As I walked over to meet Bo I asked myself why did I stop short last week? Why couldn't I just finish? I dug deep to discover an answer within. The answer surprised me. Focus. I was not focusing on what I was doing and nothing else. I was paying attention to what I was doing and I was concentrating but I was also thinking of other stuff. There was too much mind chatter happening.  I told myself  "FOCUS".  Focus on only the exact thing you are doing. Much like learning to meditate it's way easier said then done. And it takes practice.  Having recognized this as an impairment to my progress I know it can be mastered, again with practice.  And I did it. I ran a mile in under 15 mins. Bo was feeding me words for motivation. I was trying to lock my eyes on something in my view, so I could focus on only what I was doing. Or maybe not focus on what I was doing rather just do what I was doing without thought. I kept my eyes gazed on the red umbrella off in the distance.  Task completed, task accomplished. Today I ran the whole mile, as opposed to the sprint and walk that clocked 13:33. I still ran the complete mile under 15 mins.  I had nothing to look at but myself-the treadmill  faces a mirrored wall. My gaze was locked onto myself, with the occasional look down to see the progress. Bo asked how did it feel to be running with the whole mile. I said it felt kinda weird, I'm not grounded like Im not present, Here I am watching myself run, feeling my heart race, feeling the sweat roll yet there was a divide between my physical being and my emotional self. I guess this mile being a new experience is just that-new. The 18" drop from my head to my heart has yet to land. Until it does, I will continue to act as if, and fake it till I make it.  I don't expect to feel total authenticity while running anytime soon, although I did not expect to be running a complete mile in only 3 weeks either.  I am looking forward to hitting my gym tomorrow now that Bo showed me how the machines work and I saw how I can run a mile!

I also picked up two of my old tools this week. My Fit Bit and my Spark People tracker. The fit bit was a bust, it worked only a half day and I now have to return it so that instant gratification will have to wait.  Tracking my food with Spark People has me more conscious of the actual calorie, carbohydrate, protein etc. of the foods I eat. While Bo was not happy with my choice of almond butter and flax seed crackers for dinner last night, I was fine with it since I was within my limit. I didn't tell him I went to Dennys either, but I did and I ordered the chicken avocado sandwich, apparently it is 550 calories (an in-n-out double double is 670). An unexpected really cool thing about eating healthier foods is that my appetite has decreased, I have noticed I don't get hungry that often.  Which makes sense if you eat  a lot of carbs or other fatty foods they kind of turn a switch on in your body that says feed me, feed me more. Sadly only your emotions are satisfied by eating unhealthy foods. --- eating crap foods also prevent the 18" drop from your head to your heart, which I believe prevents you from being the best you can be.

Today I made my first smoothie. I admit I was not happy with the price tag of the ingredients. But this is a way of life and with the things we see as top priority we make them happen.  And I know I am definitely a top priority!

banana-kale green tea
2 frozen bananas
5 kale leaves
2 cups brewed and cooled green tea
1/4 cup raw walnuts
1 teaspoon vanilla
Honey to taste

week 2 down, 15 to go...No- I know

I never much thought about the idiom Be careful what you wish for (you just might get it). 

It always seemed kind of silly to me, an oxymoron.  Be careful what you wish for --you just might get it? What does it mean? Is it that one isn't deserving of said wish or that one will discover the negatives of that particular wish?  Or perhaps it really wasn't what they wished for?

 During training with Bo today those words hit me and they hit me hard. 

Bo says, "you have 2 months ...", meaning I have 2 months before 5k day. Immediately I refuted that  remark doing the math in my head as I jogged along. It's not 2 months that sounds like no time at all--eventually feeling confident of the time line on my run back up I say, "it's 3 months", then I mumbled 3 1/2 actually.   Bo doesn't care about the details of the time line.  What he cares about is the goal, and the finish line.  While he has my goal in mind all that was running through my mind was do this, finish, don't puke. Today I lost the mental battle. Or maybe I gained a greater mental insight. I was 15 reps short of completing what was asked of me.  I had struggled all session long. It had been over a week since I worked with Bo.  I did not hit a gym while I was in Nor Cal, nor did I go for an extensive hike, or any hike. I did track food and the poorest food choice I made was what my health conscious daughter purchased at the GIANTS game-- a plate of chinese food which we shared.  I did drink however, and I drank a lot (a lot by my standards).  I did not think having the quick "get away" that I had, this early on in my training would cause that much of a disruption. Bo says it happens to everyone, some time off and you fall back into reset. We just train harder---

Bo says next week we are going to run a mile and in under 15 mins. Despite the mental chatter going on in my head I nodded to affirm, (probably because I was out of breath and couldn't say "ok").  I was ruminating over the whole "you have 2 months" and my immediate defensive response--  though its actually 15 weeks which is more than 2 months does that detail even really matter?  Is it a relaxed nature of mine that says "nah I have almost 3 1/2 months, don't sweat it", or is it my fear of success creeping on up behind me getting ready to deliver a swift kick of self sabotage? 

Bo's response to me was that he didn't care because I would be 5k ready well before the 5k run. Because he cares that I reach my goal, that I make the run despite any obstacles that may develop. There will be no excuses on race day because I will have been 5k run ready under a variety of different conditions. (like today, tired,  hot, sick, HOT etc.)

I get it, preparation is key. Using my (soon-to-be-old) mentality I think, no, I know I have 3 1/2 months, plenty of time to be run ready. But if  I  were to be run ready in 2 1/2 months what then? What would be so terrible about that? Are there any negatives to being run ready ahead of  game time?  No, it would just do away with any self sabotaging behavior and it would guarantee  me a success. 

I'm not usually a defensive person so when I reacted in a defensive manner I had to ponder why? Then thats when it hit me- be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.  Do I want this or not?  No, do I really want it? ---now that the steps are in action it is on pace to happen. My (old) mentality was to not take on a sense of urgency (because there is none). My rationalizing has lead me to come up short in the past.  I think human nature is to think we have time- time for this or that or we tell ourselves this or that will happen "in time". Meanwhile the time is always present but we may fail to make the best use of our available time.  

 Fortunately for me I'm working on Bo's time now, and yes I want it!