Week 9 down, 8 to go...as the numbers flipped so have I slipped....

Last blog was week 8 with 9 to go, this week its week 9 with 8 to go. There is now more time behind me than in front of me.  Its both a little scary as well as a little exciting. 

I dont know whats gone on these past 2 weeks, but this week really took a downward turn.  It was a short week  at school 2 weeks ago for my children, and early out this whole week, with all of next week off.  Last week Bo had to reschedule one  session and this week I needed to reschedule. Next week I will miss both sessions because we are going out of town.  These changes in my routine or my expected plans for the day have really thrown me for a loop!  I adapt to changes fairly well so Im not sure what has caused this "stinky thinking" that has paved the way for me to slip.  Seems almost--no it doesn't seem-- it is self sabotage.  The nearer I get to my goal the weaker I become in my focus. I really hope Bo doesn't read this because if he does I have no doubt that he will compensate for my perceived weakness in my training program! --  It starts so innocently, I say Im going to work out right after I drop the kids off, but then something interferes.  Work, or a task of some sort etc. Then I say I will do  it before I pick the kids up, but then I'm engrossed in completing whatever task I felt was more important than my work out. So then I say I will do it after their home-right. There is basically no me time after their home! -  Why cant I put my health first? Why cant I make myself a priority? Its not that I can't, it's simply that I don't. Or I didn't, but now I will!--Yesterday and all day today I was looking forward to working out. I was actually craving a good workout. And time just kept on slipping away from me.  And the food, oh my the food.  Not entirely bad, but again I was off way off! A celebration drink here and a celebration cupcake there what will the celebration days ahead of me involve?! 

The big picture of this process is a life change and a life change can't happen in its entirety without involving the whole family.  My son often joins me at the gym I asked him if he wanted to join me working out while we are on holiday, I said I wanted to run at least 2 miles a day, my son looked surprised and said he didn't think I could run 2 miles! I said nothing because my ability to run more than 2 miles is a task I do for me, not him.  What others think of me really isn't any of my business.  My son and I are going to do our mile long competition, I have yet to win it! --and we both will weigh in, literally, before we leave this week.  

When life seems upside down do your best to turn it around!  I am striving towards clean eating, consistent exercise and continued weight loss. With this being the holiday season and all, I will miss several sessions with Bo in December as well. Bo's solution to our missed sessions is to make them up by training 3 days a week, now that is a scary, scary thought! --

Week 8 down, 9 to go...half way there and no life ain't fair...

Last week my witty headline was "theres always the high and the low", little did I know that would be the beginning of an unforeseeable low:(   This week has been hard. Emotionally hard.  I have had a lot of factors weighing heavily on me, (pun always intended).  I tend to get sensitive and irritable  (for a short period of time) on a monthly basis, and it's expected-so I prepare the best I can so others don't have to bear the burden.  This past week has been different. It began with the number on the scale, it was the same number that showed up the week before.  As much as I may say I am not concerned about the weight loss but more about getting fit and healthy, thats a lie.  Of course I'm concerned about the weight loss and its defined by the number on the scale. It was a real discouragement which did the opposite to motivate me during my workout. And to make matters worse I couldn't let the disappointment go. I try to not sweat the small stuff , but I'm a heavy sweat'er by nature. I tried to make sense, analysing the previous two weeks. Number wise, it was amiss.   It just made no sense. I was on track with food and exercise-- it felt very unfair.

Then  Fall hit.  The mornings were chilly, some even brought drizzle, the sky dark and gloomy (or just not bright blue and sunny!) the afternoons disappeared early while the evenings seemed longer and colder. I know I shouldnt complain because our average Fall temp this week was probably 66*, still a flip flopping, no jacket needed comfort zone! ---  but again, something was off for me and managing my optimism was not happening easily. 

I missed a few days of  working out this week too! I didnt mean to, I mean no one sets out to purposely miss working out. But I lacked the drive. -even while I was still dwelling on the unchanged number or perhaps because I still was.

The highlight for me this week was when Bo asked me, "What's wrong?"  I just turned my head and told him I didn't know but I had been this way all week. He reminds me "it will pass", I agree. Even though intellectually we know something, our unconscious doesn't always accept it. I knew while in training with Bo I didn't have to act any different than how I was feeling. I would be distracted enough to step away from the funk I was feeling.   He introduced me to tabata. I kinda like her. Even though 1/2 way through session I knew I was going to be hurting the following day. I was wrong, the hurt came on later the same evening and continues today! -- I still like her, I might meet up with her again later. 

While training with Bo I told him about the Save a Life Walk that I participated in over the weekend. In sharing that experience with him I realized perhaps that was my problem-- I had not fully processed the  emotional effects the event had on me. As I pondered this ah-ha moment I realized it fit.   I failed in reaching my fundraising goal, a big time fail. Mainly because I was short on time, at least thats my story,  but I also think it was because I was avoiding the emotional toll. Setting up my fundraising page was a huge emotional expense.  Fortunately for me it is not too late to help raise funds for Save a Life San Diego--the community walk was last weekend and donations are being collected into January 2015.  Please join me, in helping to Save a Life....----

Suicide is seldom the only answer and rarely the best choice. The collateral damage of a suicide is as unknown as is the reasons why one completes a suicide. The loss, the pain the questions never go away. You can be an incredible comedian touching the lives of many for generations to come like Robin Williams or  be one of the greatest linebackers with an amazing legacy like Junior Seau. You can be the girl next door, the boy down the street, the soccer mom, the CEO dad,  the elder around the block or the soldier who just returned home--or you can be their neighbor, friend or family member.  It doesnt matter who you are or what your not, a suicide is a different kind of loss that lasts the survivor's lifetime. And it for sure is a reminder that Life ain't fair.

http://savealifewalk.kintera.org

Week 7 down, 10 to go..there's always the high and the low...

This past week was informative, yet still. Last week I spoke about my growing bucket list. Many of the things on my list can easily be checked off. Several items could have been accomplished already, but I haven't felt comfortable enough in following thru. -- In other words, thats a graceful way of saying I have lacked the confidence to do so!  Which is ironic because confidence has always has been a strong quality of mine.  This week Bo mentioned that he gets the feeling I don't like rules, I told him I don't like stupid rules. He laughed, but I know its because he understood what I meant! 

I also came clean with him earlier this week and told him I don't like to grunt when  I am working out. I feel its attention seeking and I already know how bad  and tough I am. I don't need any more of that type of attention. He was right when he counseled me telling me this was the time to be bad and tough. When you are working out you do want to work hard. I realized then grunting during training would  be inevitable. I didn't grunt per se, but there was definitely some heavy breathing and other sound effects which I would normally try to stifle. ---  This is the time and the place to be bad and tough. Yes true, and with that resonating within me I began to feel myself get a little cocky. Which tripped me out, I think with cockiness comes recklessness and those either together or separately 

undercut discipline. I dont want to be cocky, I want to be confident. I dont want to be reckless I want to be disciplined. I dont want to be bad and tough. I want to be fit and healthy. --- I also don't think of the Carmel Valley 5k much at all!  This process of mine is no longer just focused on the goal that initiated my desperation, I mean my decision,  to seek a personal trainer.  I signed up for a 5k that is scheduled before the original one.  The thought of 'can I run it' never crossed my mind, because I know I can do anything I put my mind to!

This has been an uplifting week, no doubt the World Champion GIANTS had something to do with my positive mind set. I worry about what will happen with them next year, but for now I will enjoy their present success!The number on the scale has not been very impressive to me. But, given my weekend getaway no gain is as good as no loss! A few weeks back Bo said I wasn't sweating enough, although I think its a vision impairment on his part I found myself no longer being satisfied working out on my own unless I'm dripping in sweat! -- and worse- I kinda like it!

Food has been an interesting situation this week. Never would I have thought an 80 calorie yogurt would be a satisfying breakfast, but it is. Adding oatmeal to a smoothie was definitely a game changer for me! --way fulfilling and worth the extra calories.  I even bought several green and orange  vegetables this week as well as hummus! -- yes, hummus, for reals. Its right next to my goat cheese! --
Good bye Doritos, hello hummus!

175 calories-- lasts longer, tastes better, better for you--