Week 8 down, 9 to go...half way there and no life ain't fair...

Last week my witty headline was "theres always the high and the low", little did I know that would be the beginning of an unforeseeable low:(   This week has been hard. Emotionally hard.  I have had a lot of factors weighing heavily on me, (pun always intended).  I tend to get sensitive and irritable  (for a short period of time) on a monthly basis, and it's expected-so I prepare the best I can so others don't have to bear the burden.  This past week has been different. It began with the number on the scale, it was the same number that showed up the week before.  As much as I may say I am not concerned about the weight loss but more about getting fit and healthy, thats a lie.  Of course I'm concerned about the weight loss and its defined by the number on the scale. It was a real discouragement which did the opposite to motivate me during my workout. And to make matters worse I couldn't let the disappointment go. I try to not sweat the small stuff , but I'm a heavy sweat'er by nature. I tried to make sense, analysing the previous two weeks. Number wise, it was amiss.   It just made no sense. I was on track with food and exercise-- it felt very unfair.

Then  Fall hit.  The mornings were chilly, some even brought drizzle, the sky dark and gloomy (or just not bright blue and sunny!) the afternoons disappeared early while the evenings seemed longer and colder. I know I shouldnt complain because our average Fall temp this week was probably 66*, still a flip flopping, no jacket needed comfort zone! ---  but again, something was off for me and managing my optimism was not happening easily. 

I missed a few days of  working out this week too! I didnt mean to, I mean no one sets out to purposely miss working out. But I lacked the drive. -even while I was still dwelling on the unchanged number or perhaps because I still was.

The highlight for me this week was when Bo asked me, "What's wrong?"  I just turned my head and told him I didn't know but I had been this way all week. He reminds me "it will pass", I agree. Even though intellectually we know something, our unconscious doesn't always accept it. I knew while in training with Bo I didn't have to act any different than how I was feeling. I would be distracted enough to step away from the funk I was feeling.   He introduced me to tabata. I kinda like her. Even though 1/2 way through session I knew I was going to be hurting the following day. I was wrong, the hurt came on later the same evening and continues today! -- I still like her, I might meet up with her again later. 

While training with Bo I told him about the Save a Life Walk that I participated in over the weekend. In sharing that experience with him I realized perhaps that was my problem-- I had not fully processed the  emotional effects the event had on me. As I pondered this ah-ha moment I realized it fit.   I failed in reaching my fundraising goal, a big time fail. Mainly because I was short on time, at least thats my story,  but I also think it was because I was avoiding the emotional toll. Setting up my fundraising page was a huge emotional expense.  Fortunately for me it is not too late to help raise funds for Save a Life San Diego--the community walk was last weekend and donations are being collected into January 2015.  Please join me, in helping to Save a Life....----

Suicide is seldom the only answer and rarely the best choice. The collateral damage of a suicide is as unknown as is the reasons why one completes a suicide. The loss, the pain the questions never go away. You can be an incredible comedian touching the lives of many for generations to come like Robin Williams or  be one of the greatest linebackers with an amazing legacy like Junior Seau. You can be the girl next door, the boy down the street, the soccer mom, the CEO dad,  the elder around the block or the soldier who just returned home--or you can be their neighbor, friend or family member.  It doesnt matter who you are or what your not, a suicide is a different kind of loss that lasts the survivor's lifetime. And it for sure is a reminder that Life ain't fair.

http://savealifewalk.kintera.org