3 weeks down...9 to go...

The 3rd week has ended, 9 more to go.  This was the hardest week yet. 

It wasn't hard because my motivation or my will power were lacking, it was hard because its thanksgiving break! The desire was there however logistics were against me. I was not able to schedule "me" time since I was (am) stretched 3 separate ways all at once, 24/7.  How could this be avoided? Planning. It’s often always about planning. And I did plan to accept the difficulties I may encounter when all 3 of my young

children are home from school.  Practicing acceptance allows me peace with the situation.  

My time at the gym was greatly reduced.  Fortunately since I anticipated a shortage of (gym) time I was able to compensate adding physical exercise into the routine with my kids. Mainly walking rather than driving, hiking for fun, and playing ball with them. These are ordinary things that we do often I just changed them a little by either walking, or parking far away. The biggest change I’ve made note of this week is simply by my being more present in physical play with my kids. Rather than just going thru the motions I was taking it all in, realizing the honor, the privilege of being physically capable to do the things I enjoy. I have always played with my children and enjoyed outdoor sports, this week I was provided a fresh perspective on the benefits of an athletic body and it afforded me a new appreciation for the body that has held me in for over 40 years, and for the transformation that’s underdevelopment.  

This was also a difficult week to track my food intake even with the Spark People app. There were a couple days where I got so far behind the tracking that I just left it undone.  There is no harm there-my eating has pretty much stabilized so the amounts I am eating are typical of a serving size and the choice of foods that I eat determine how much intake I have. Yesterday I indulged with a double double and I looked forward to and I enjoyed every bit of that 670 calorie item.

 The couch to 5k training program will have you ready to run a 5k in 9 weeks. My goal is the Carmel Valley 5k, which takes place 12 weeks from the date I began.   I admit the reason I decided to set this goal was because I had more than 9 weeks to prepare for it. With prudent planning on my part, it afforded me 3 weeks of ‘free choice’ time. Some might call it time to “cheat”.   But by definition to ‘cheat’ is to make a dishonest or unfair action in order to gain advantage. There is no way to gain advantage if you are dishonest or being unfair to yourself. It's not a cheat, it's a choice.

And I can not wait to taste all the choices of a Thanksgiving Feast!!  Thanks Angela! 

2 weeks down 10 to go....

Time is the one commodity that we all share equal amounts of without knowing when we will run out.

Time is never wasted, it is only spent. Sometimes we spend it wisely, we make great use of our time. Other times we venture off into 'things' that we feel like doing especially when they prevent us from doing the more mundane yet necessary things that we don't want to do or things that take us out of our comfort zone. 

This is now the beginning of week 3. And let me tell you I kind of want to start over!  I feel like I should be further along in my progress than where I am, despite having 10 weeks ahead of me to make it. That's the perfectionist in me. The optimist says, "You are doing great. You can do it. You will be great". The realist in me demands me to take a reality check!--  

Am I off ?  Have I failed to continue on with the healthy choices that I was determined to transition into being common practice? Have I lost my motivation?

No. No. NO.  I have not lost my motivation because I have a goal set, and the goal set is more like a deadline, goals are nice and I like to have them and love to achieve them but deadlines add excitement and an added pressure for an adrenaline junkie like me jonesing  for some endorphins. 

 I have followed an improved eating/exercise plan. The couch to 5k is an incredible tool to help keep my exercise plan on track.With it there is NO EXCUSE not to follow the program. On Monday I went to the gym to discover the treadmills both being used.  The treadmill is a necessary item for the couch to5k app. I was disappointed.  I only had so much time available to me and these guys were interfering with my agenda!  I jumped on the bike and pedaled away, after 30 minutes it was obvious  to me I wasn't going to be able to run on the treadmill (due to my time restraints) I was so mad! When I began to ride the first thought was, 'screw it' go back home come back later. Yet I already learned if I don't get my gym time in during the morning it probably wont occur at all.  I decided to continue my work out  minus the treadmill. Since I have a deadline before me, as well as other daily time restraints I have to plan the time to exercise.  I'm not typically a rigid person, however when a treadmill was unavailable it was difficult for me.  I had to accept it before I could make other accommodations. In reality no harm was done. Over the weekend we went on a family hike as I had planned on! Weekends will be family physical time.

The SparkPeople Diet and Food Tracker is an excellent guide and tracking tool as well.  But this app is more subjective-- in that, you will get out of  it what you put into it.  Over the weekend I didn't track my food until before bed. I was surprised when I came in under the calorie allotment anyway.  That's when I realized the SparkPeople app for me is a great guideline.  If  I go over my allotment for the day it doesn't matter-- what matters is being aware of the choices  I make. Today during a lunch date I had my eyes set on the Hang 10 burger, I rationalized I rarely get burgers so I can make an excuse to justify it.  But I found the turkey wrap to be just as appealing.  After processing down to my final 2 selections I asked myself  'which item would be better for my body'--decision made.  And I admit, yesterday while on task with my calorie  tracking I chose to have pumpkin pie with whipped cream for dinner!  (yes FOR dinner not with dinner! and I was within the allotted calories for the day!)

The perfectionist in me has a small voice. Perhaps my feeling like I should be further along then I am is a self sabotaging tactic that I use to excuse myself from succeeding?  The optimist in me always whispers hope and finds me a smile. The realist in me says, Really? I mean really?  The choice is yours----Make the time, or make the excuse! --

1 week down 11 to go...

Time sure flies when your having fun! Oh right really? "Fun".  Fun is indeed a subjective finding. What I have come to understand is that time just flies! This past week I began with the inspiration and motivation that usually begins any great accomplishment. This inspiration and motivation of mine is not unfamiliar to me, I have felt it often. In regards to a fitness plan/program I have met a few of those also in my past. And many times in the beginning I think "this is easy' , 'i can do this'. Yet since here I am again, entering week 2 of my 12 week journey the previous attempts must not have been "easy" or something "I can do" since I failed. And no "fail" is not too strong of a word. Why use "stopped" or even "quit" or "finished", (please as if one ever finishes a healthy life style change! Its a program for a lifestyle change  not a television program!)

 If I can accept I have failed then I can choose to try again. I can try as many times as I need and eventually I will either succeed or I will change something so that it is more manageable thus giving me a realistic opportunity at succeeding.

Success without failure along the way is like cake without frosting- 

It looks good and tastes good

 but can be so much sweeter with the extra ingredient!

Today I went to my children's school for a meeting and I was sorely disappointed to discover that neither of them were running in the morning mileage club! I thought 'oh my! What! Why aren't they running! They should be running! If I'm doing this they should be too!', as I stood around trying to spot their whereabouts I realized my goal, my fitness program geared specifically for me to complete a 5k leading them, is not their goal. I had to let my disappointment go since its mine, not theirs.

This week I stuck to my program well with the exception of the weekend. I struggled trying to get the gym time in due to my kids activities etc. I now know I really do need to get myself in the gym in the morning, before the rest of my life demands begin. During the school week its great, as soon as the kids are off I can work out and still be done early enough to not rearrange my work schedule. The weekends leave me having to be more disciplined. I am glad it only took me week 1 to realize this is a great area to adjust a bit so it can be better managed.  I think I will replace the gym routine on the weekends and replace it with family physical time. -walking, hiking, running. It will be a win/win since my kids aren't always running in mileage club at least they will run with me. We always have fun playing together. A family that plays together stays together!

My 12 weeks (of life) at this time is being run like a program, and as another highly overused yet completely accurate saying goes- "it works if you work it"...                                                                                  

so cliche- "you got to love your self...." blah blah blah....I thought I did-- I have a healthy sense of self, I am confident, strong, aware of my abilities/shortcomings and of course I'm an all around good person with a genuine heart!  Whats not to love?!-- silly thing though when I look in the mirror I remind myself what it is I don't love.--- its horrible to say but I don't like seeing my mom on my face. I hate it actually. (And I don't hate much, since hate is such a strong word). Alas, there is a starting point for me, how to turn that hate of my (own) face into a face that I (can) love?  And I do not hate my mom, I  love my mom. It even pains me to admit aloud that I look like her-and I hate it.  I hope none of my daughters will ever feel this way but if they do I will understand, and I will know that it just means they don't love a part of themselves.

 When I look into the mirror I do not  feel like the person I see.  This morning I realised I don't feel as fat as I look.  I never have. Despite not doing some of the things I long to do, such as ride, surf, ski, run-- I keep myself in the delusion that since I'm active I must be somewhat fit.  Hell I run after my kids!  --  it isn't that being fat is keeping me from doing certain things, although seriously whens the last time you saw an obese surfer riding the waves? --its that the weight locks in the fear, and its the fear that prevents me from doing.   It could be another example of a persons fear of success (yes my fear of success).  If I drop the hated weight what will hold me back??

Anyway also along with todays self discovery I was enlightened by another  thought that said I must be fit in order for my kids to follow.---  The kids and I are planning on running a 5k in January and I dont want to be the one following! I must be leading my littles--- I must be fit to follow!

This is week one of  this 12 weeks of my life, at this time. This blog will journey with me during the next 11 weeks...I'm hopeful during this time period I will look in the mirror and I will love who i see! --
(and just in time for ski season!)