7 weeks down...5 to go...

30 days from today to be exact. Nothin like a little pressure to up the ante!  or more precise would be, nothing like some added pressure to increase the adrenaline! I am using "pressure" as a synonym for "fear". Because pressure, especially self induced pressure is based on an internal fear.   We have 3 typical reactions to (fear), FIGHT, FLIGHT or FREEZE.  I have never been one to freeze, rarely am I one to flee and almost always am I a fighter.   I think that's probably why the pressure of deadlines work for me. As I have aged I don't so much depend on the sense of urgency to motor me through the task that's causing me the anxiety in the first place.  And I now enjoy the calmness of being prepared ahead of time. I think that's all part of learning discipline.  Or perhaps maturity? Or maybe discipline=mature?  At any rate, the scale has tipped and the pressure is on! I am now closer to the 12th week, (starting line) and further away from week 1 (beginning point). Today I don't feel ready, nor do I feel I will be ready 30 days from now.  It will be interesting to see what will develop over the next 30 days.  I  have all my children home from school, and  we will be moving next week, therefore we are spending time packing (or we will soon start anyway!)  I will be using these logistics as positive distractions from the angst of fearing my failure at leading my kids in the Carmel Valley 5k.

Now sets in the rationalization. I will complete the 5k. I was aiming to lead my kids, that is have them follow me, rather then them out run me!  (though they always seem to 'outrun' me so I don't know why I even think this is a possibility?!). And its no big deal.  The ultimate goal of mine was to complete the 5k RUN, not run/walk but run. So if that's accomplished than its an overall success.  The beauty in such a goal is that there really is no loss, or ultimate failure. All the efforts toward completing such an accomplishment stand on their own and only improve my life overall. The 'habits' I have been working to condition myself into are all positive and will continue even after the 5k, or I should say "this 5k". So, overall this is a no-fail plan! We in the recovery world think "rationalization" is a bad thing, when in actuality if the rationalization takes place of internal self destruction -its a good thing!  (when rationalizing takes place of denial then its not a good thing!)

This week has been ---I don't even know---it has just been!  I added a new tool in my toolkit which is a Fitbit. A Fitbit is a tracking band that can track your activity, such as steps walked, distance gone, calories in/out as well as tracking your sleep history.  I was anxiously looking forward to learning my sleep patterns. Unfortunately the first 2 nights it didn't track my sleep:(  Last night it did, except it has the wrong start time for sleep (I think it must have tapped into sleep mode while I was making dinner), none-the-less, the results however accurate they may be, were shocking! It said I experienced "3 hours and 34 mins of sleep".  I went to bed around 1230 woke around 7:00 with a 54% sleep efficient rate!---I will try it again tonight to see what may be revealed. I was going to return the Fitbit when the sleep wasn't being tracked   Also, yesterday it logged -0- minutes in the "very active minutes" category, which was disappointing since we went for a family run and I ran!  I ran while pushing an additional 140 pounds around the track! One of the things about the Fitbit that I found most attractive was the instant gratification one can enjoy when they check their stats! -- unfortunately, the Fitbit doesn't sync with MY droid device, however Fitbit syncs with sparkpeople which is great!  We will do a family run again today, minus me pushing 140 pounds and I hope to see the activity correctly recorded in the Fitbit (previously it recorded 'very active' minutes and all I did was muscle through Toys R Us and Costco! Not even breaking a sweat!)

My rationalization is based on true data.  Last night the kids and I enjoyed our first Annual Christmas Run! It was a run till you drop event.  I thought I would last longer than I did!  Jake took the title!  Karma wasn't participating in it, mainly because shes a cheat (cutting through the field etc) but also because I think she could run circles around both her brother and I!   We had a great time walking, running and laughing!  Its a no-fail plan with a WIN-WIN-WIN outcome!!

 Noble Family 1st Annual Christmas Run  12/25/13