Success tastes better after failure!

                                 #chasing190, CHASED IT AWAY!
I continue on this journey, this "life style change".  I'm not sure when it stops being a "change" and it is just a way of life? I guess that's subjective and is a matter of opinion.

I failed at reaching #190, again.  Or, more accurately stated I continue to fail at reaching 190 pounds. It's now off the table completely. No, that's not to be confused with giving up. I don't know what it's like to weigh 190, (I don't remember the feels of
1987).  I do however know what it's like to weigh like me.


A few weeks back I had this "ah ha" moment. The "ah ha" was bittersweet, it brought me a sense of comfort and relief while also crushing me with a painful sting. I was nearing the end of a yoga class- in Savanasa. I was thinking about how amazing the human body is.  I love watching the poses the instructor does, I  would like to be able to do them but for now I'm still trying to master a solid Tree Pose (practice, practice, PRACTICE!).


The human body is amazing- and my human body grew 4 babies and carried an extra 100 pounds not to mention the other forms of neglect and borderline abuse that I have subjected it to during its 48 years of existence.
  I was there in stillness- feeling grateful that I can run, work-out and practice yoga because my body has never failed me.  I asked myself what does my body want from me? Why cant I lose the weight I want?---

 "What more do you want?" -- that was the response I received! I am strong, I am healthy and I am capable. I won't ever weigh under 200 pounds. OUCH!! That was the sting, again it was repeated with a deep sigh of relief, "I won't ever weigh under 200 pounds", then the tears followed.  As I processed through this newly identified insight my breathing was in perfect harmony while I reached a place of acceptance.  The flow of  my tears were of a restorative nature. This was not a poor me, I give up, self-pity party. It was a lucky me, I will continue to honor myself and be grateful for what I can do. The self induced pressure is off, the reality is I will forever continue to seek self improvement. It truly was a bittersweet moment because it didn't leave me bitter, it just left me better.