She concedes-it's time

I'm at an all time low. I don't know if it's this time of the year, the holiday season that is, or if it's the drop in temperature and lack of sunshine- (which yes, I live in San Diego I know this is not a valid complaint!) I find myself missing both the feeling I had this time last year-- that of falling in love and also missing the relationship with my oldest daughter.

December 2014, 2016

I think what has had the strongest impact on my mental health and overall emotional state is the "pain in my ass". The pain was triggered in May after I completed the Rugged Maniac obstacle course. I thought I just pulled a muscle, the gluteus maximus. It was a discomfort at first, it didn't reach the status of pain until months later. I continued with my normal physical activity despite the discomfort even when it reached pain status. I did a lot of home care to help heal it but it's likely that did nothing-- for the actual cause of the pain was not identified until this month. It has been identified as a tight Quadratus Lumborum (QL). And as a result the tennis ball is my new best friend! After finally going to my primary doctor I ended up working with physical therapy. This last session was the hardest because I didn't at all like what I was hearing.  "Give it a rest", "stop doing those exercises", "walk instead of run" etc. I didn't like hearing any of that and then to hear them, (yes, them I have had the good fortune of being double-teamed on!)- to hear them say, "you have to learn how to breathe". Well ain't that a showstopper not only have I been breathing for nearly half a decade, I also help guide others with proper breathing technique's to manage stress and anxiety. WTF!!??!! Did he just say? I was in shock. I was trying to follow along with the session and after enough breaths my way, their way, and both ways I understood. As we age we tend to lose or stretch and don't quite bounce back like we once did. In my case I never really had a need or an opportunity to have to bounce back as all I ever really did was roll on.  Having four babies and three of them within a six year period also has it's irreversible changes to the body.

 I find it ironic that while I often was under treatment with physical therapy due to work injuries I never worked quite as hard as I have been now. This has been a hard few weeks, this week being the hardest- I hope. I did take some time off my regular routine in the name of healing. Which is also hard when working out is a daily practice. As for now at this time I have to check my 'mind over matter' mentality at the door and bow to the almighty body that is my master for she owns me! It's amazing that only after you name it can you begin to tame it. And by  'name it' I simply mean identify that which was previously unacknowledged.  It hasn't been until recently where the toll of the pain physical and emotional has over powered me. On a positive note I now have a greater understanding and appreciation for those with chronic pain, another lesson that I could've lived without learning firsthand.