"Here and Now" trumps "before and after", always and forever!

We all have a history. The way we thought or acted before we changed. It could be a welcomed change or a painful  change. We could work  extremely hard to create a change or we can work just as hard to avoid a change! Change is inevitable.  Fantasy and Delusion are optional. 

When I began this blog two years ago I had a simple idea-->turned to dream-->turned to fantasy, mixed in with a lot of delusion and now I have my reality.  

During the past 26 months I have changed in many ways. Some small, some big. Some expected, others never before considered.  As I sit here now accepting the changes of my  choices I realize desirable changes will continue as long as I make healthy choices. I would have to review each of my previous blogs to fully account for the surprise changes that have helped me get to here.  What I do know is the past is gone, the present is mine and the future remains unknown.   The past will always be a bridge to your future, "before" and "after" will never cease to exist, but what truly matters is the here and now!--

Today, I sit here, down about 100 pounds. Feeling out of shape, sort of. I say "sort of" only because I'm not really sure what "in shape" feels like. --- In December I had a brachioplasty done (aka arm lift). Something I never, ever even considered in my wildest fantasies. But today, it is my reality. While I'm still in recovery mode my changed 'lifestyle' is compromised. I have not been able to run or perform "strenuous exercise" .  I have begun hitting the treadmill and the trails and that feels good. I cant believe how much I took being able to run for granted!  Of course it's true you often don't know what you have until you no longer have it!  I admit while my exercise routine has been off so has my eating. And my tracking calories!  But I am beyond satisfied in reporting that there is no significant weight change.  Today I weigh what I did when I weighed in 1 month ago.  (and I weigh in every day).   To me, this informs me that this is my life.  Not a diet, not a program, not even a plan. It's my life, as a result of the choices I make.  I enjoyed some serious peppermint bark over the holidays, even consumed alcohol too! Not to mention the straight out munchies I think were the result of the pain killers I was on!  I kept the 80% - 20% rule in mind, even while indulging in less than healthy food items! Never once did I tell myself, or anyone else, "I'm on vacation", or "its a special occasion", or "I deserve this". No, by believing those thoughts I would be feeding into a delusion. I prefer the reality. While living in the here, and the now the reality of circumstances is sometimes difficult to manage, yet other times when it's smooth it's completely blissful. -- A delusion on the other hand is just that, a delusion--  'a false belief or opinion...' .  (a lie we tell ourself). I have many before and after images and stories, and while I accept my past for what it was I take from it both the positive and the painful realities that enabled me to arrive at the here and now. 

Sunday, January 24th will be the first 5k I run, post surgery. Ironically, it is the same- Carmel Valley 5k goal I had in mind in 2013 when I began this story.  I am hoping it goes well because I seriously do have to begin training--- because I registered for a half marathon in Zion National Park! I'm still unsure if  my decision to run this half marathon, a first for me, is a fantasy turned into reality or a delusion in and of itself (for the future remains unknown)!